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“We attract the things that we think about, so you don’t want to stay in the I-don’t-like-people-who-lie mindset,” Virginia says.

It’s some of the strongest evidence that we’re evolution’s sock puppets—with us being the sock and evolution being the hand.And I think we— as a society —need to leave space for all that. I got dumped into the dating pool after being married for a decade.I’m navigating dating apps, going out with strangers and constantly feeling pressure to be fun, flirty, witty, easy-going, youthful, in shape, emotionally available and more. I hear married friends judge single women in their 30s and 40s who go out to bars, clubs, wherever, and say, “It’s sad” or “pathetic,” or “They’re too old to be doing that.” Or they hear my stories and go, “I could never do that, I’d be exhausted! It learn how to date again, the bottom line is I didn’t know what the fuck either, but you just do it. And especially if you don’t have children, and thus can’t meet other single parents who are also looking for their next partner, what are we supposed to do? But also …Being a woman who cares about her looks is okay.Plus, you have lots of wisdom and life experience under your belt, which means you know exactly what you want and don’t want in life and in a partner.(Well, mostly.) To help you navigate the dating scene in your 30s, we enlisted the help of two dating pros—Julie Spira, online dating expert and digital matchmaker, and offline dating coach Camille Virginia of Master Offline Dating—with different perspectives on playing the field.

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